not his being silly, clumsy (most of the time),

not his jokes

not even his intelligence (sorry if it might sound too violant)

….so, I just wanna get things clarified, coz I badly need to get my (ehm, couldnt find a better word) pride back…

for it has fallen down, when I realized that things didnt turn out to be fine..

how could that damn silly creature change his mind for only few days

(dunno how could I be so accurate for a certain case just like this)…dont mess with my heart! halah!!!

those signs did exist, and I didnt ask for anyone’s approval, but that sign of approval came to me, as if I was convinced of winning his (damn creature) heart!

well, then I was pretty sure…

till soon I realized that he seemed to get things wrong!

I thought that I misinterpreted the signs, or they’re just signs, they represent a thousand meanings, not always a crush!!!

hmm, later I figure out that..

I should put the blame on him…for being the irresponsible one, getting me messed up!!!

the bottom line is, he is suggested to be wise…

and me, I simply dont deserve him…

I should be counting on an incredibly new beginning. Start things over again. With the ruined pieces of victory i had after beaten by what I called injustice. But as I took a silent space to reflect, I started to assume that I’ve got what I deserved. I was just blinded for doing good things while in fact I didn’t.

If so far I thought that I’ve been snowed under by those stuffs that kept burdening me, I was wrong. Those turned things out that I couldn’t maximize performing the best. Again, I was undenyably wrong. The truth was that I’ve been acting like a spoiled girl, blaming everything, frustating, committing to silly desperateness, humiliating myself!!! That has been merely one single reason I failed. I failed to be what I wanted to be. It was solely because I didn’t put my efforts to perform the best. I too much relied on being spontaneous, and left myself unplanned.

When things turned out unlikely to be what I’ve expected, I put myself extremely much in misery. I deeply resisted those failures, rejecting them, as if i gained injustice. However, I was mistaken, completely. Those failures which kept coming to me were absolutely what I ought to commit.

There’s nothing and no one to blame…..but i’m fixing myself!